We were confident we wouldn’t always be like this.
We were brazen in our confidence, actually, because we knew we were worthy, we were beautiful, smart, we were coy, we were not easy to catch; we were setting traps long before you took a nibble. We were engaging, friendly, witty, delightful. We were sexy. We were fresh, we were clean, we were perfumed and painted and poised, lips puckered.
We were so unfamiliar that we became fascinating—for a moment.
We were punching bags, we were stepping stones, we were test cases; we were one nights, we were rarely mornings. We were ignored; we were quieted by the echo of silence. We were rattled, we were worried, we were angry, we were sad, we were told to wait. We were struggling to bear the badge of Optimist.
We were wondering: why?
We were the ones our friends pitied, just a little, even though we were never so mean as to call them out plainly.
We were the ones who learned how to take care of ourselves, by ourselves. We were the ones who tended to our own lonely wounds. We were the ones who fought for, and gained, a great assurance of our greatness. We were the ones who knew: If I do not have this, embrace this, strengthen this, celebrate this self, I have nothing.
We were willing to remain romantics.
But, we were hungry. We were not waiting around for scraps. We were not here when you came back.
We were searching, hoping, climbing ever further, reaching ever higher, getting closer.
We were patient, we were kind; we were humbled by our loneliness, and we were willing to accept our need and our want, and we were truthful in saying so. We were full-lipped and full-hipped and full of the future.
Because we were happy, loved, appreciated—not by you, but by lucky others, to whom we had given our hearts and received theirs in return.
This blog, Hannah just breathe... has meant so much to me over the last several months. When a girlfriend of mine and I were at our wits end last fall, the brilliantly written post On being 29. meant the world to me. It seems that she is moving on from this blog, with big plans ahead, but I will continue to look back on old posts, and share them with my friends. She has a way of explaining just how things are, without pity, but in a way that makes us proud to be the wine guzzling, sobbing messes we are sometimes.